Three Steps for Using the Magic of Make-Believe To Help Achieve Goals
Quelle Horreur!
My mystifying reality: I’m a mid-west gal who grew up surrounded by cornfields and dwelling with the Barcalounger people in their wood-paneled “rec rooms” a/k/a basements. How? Even as a child I always felt I was a fuchsia blossom exiled to a vast beige wasteland. These are not my people. However, thanks to a library annex that opened in our small hamlet, and a sympathetic librarian who informed me that I was not required to adhere to reading books for my grade level, I became an insatiable reader and enthusiastic learner. I wanted to know about lots of things, and I especially loved books about other cultures and how folks in far away places lived. My imagination soared.
As I grew older I became interested in foreign languages and foreign foods. I admired architecture and décor from other countries… particularly France. I wanted to talk like them, eat like them, dress like them, decorate my home like them. French people were the epitome of style, grace, beauty, and fine living. I began to feel a misfit in my own world. I no longer fit in with my jeans and flannel shirt-wearing friends. I wore silk dresses and high heels. I moved from meat and potatoes to foods like escargots and croissants. I attached a scarf to the handle of my briefcase and began purchasing perfumes with names like Narcisse Noir and Nuit de Noel. My friends were perplexed. I grew more and more uncomfortable with their unrefined ways. My sense of self was uneasy. How did I end up in Ohio? With parents who ate things like Sloppy Joes and ---gasp--- green Jell-O with pineapple and marshmallows in it?
In my freshman year of college, the university announced its first summer study program in France. At the Sorbonne, no less. After a nanosecond of guilt about taking out a student loan for such an endeavor ---- you DID get college credit, you know --- I packed my bags and headed to Paris. Six weeks of bliss ensued. Living on the Left Bank across the street from Luxembourg Gardens and having full run of the City every day after class ended at noon, I became entirely smitten. Add in weekend jaunts touring chateaux and historic sites, and I swiftly became an entrenched Francophile. And the happiness that filled my heart endures to this day.
At present, my home (at least my dedicated portion) is a salute to France. My dining room has photos and artwork depicting scenes from Paris and the countryside. The large wall mirror and my chandelier are fine examples of Belle-Époque artistry. The lace draperies and fringed lamps add to the French Bistro ambience. It is a fresh breath of style and good taste, a welcoming oasis in the otherwise Man Cave-ishness of the rest of our home with its living room (my hubby’s domain) containing a regulation size pool table, black leather media seating, enormous wall-mounted TV with wall-shaking Surround Sound system, etc. Sigh….
After decades of disillusionment with my somewhat gauche beginnings and a long period of introspection, I recently experienced an “aha!” moment. I became enlightened. I discovered my true self.
Quelle surprise!
You see, I now identify as French.
And I have decided to put my Frenchitude to work for me as I endeavor to become a healthier, happier me. This self-image of Frenchness should allow me to excel in the most critical area of my life: weight control. Or, should I say --- subjugation of unhelpful attitudes toward food. Because that is what I most need to accomplish. I don’t need to “manage” my nutritional efforts, I need to outright conquer those pesky inclinations to overeat, and to relegate food to its proper place as something to be desired and savored, but not consumed in excess or in a heathenish (non-French) fashion.
You’ve all heard of the “French Paradox”, as in why these people who consume wine and eat real butter, cream, bread, and masses of glorious pastries are, with few exceptions, a nation of non-obese individuals with one of the lowest incidences of heart disease in the developed world. I came across this information again recently when I read a book called “French Kids Eat Everything” by Karen Le Billon. This book is directed mainly to parents as a guide for how and when and why to introduce a wide variety of foods to infants and young children. In France, this is a crucial parental responsibility. French children must properly develop an accepting attitude for trying new foods, and a correct attitude towards food and eating in general. Since I have only just embraced my French identity, this information was a fresh reminder into why the French are a worthy example of a correct and healthy philosophy towards food and its proper place in a person’s life. Instead of food controlling you (me), I learned that it was possible to eat anything at all ---- pistachio macarons included --- and not have to count calories or otherwise be overly embroiled in the process of acquiring, preparing, and eating food. It doesn’t have to be complicated.
One of the most obvious attributes of French eating is portion size. Think of what your dinner plate looks like in a French restaurant. It’s a very, very different sight than what we super-sized Americans are used to. But really think about that French dinner. There was a tablecloth, and nice plates and cutlery. Maybe a candle and a small vase of fresh flowers. You had a few slices of yummy bread adorned with real butter, and maybe a small cup of soup or some bites of appetizing hors d’oeuvres. This was followed by small portions of fresh, non-processed, meat and veggies prepared in artistic ways. Your entree was followed by a few slices of exquisite cheeses, then some bold coffee and a splendid, tiny dessert. And you were satisfied, weren’t you? You were MORE than just satisfied. The table setting was relaxing and pleasing. You actually became sated without feeling stuffed and uncomfortable. You were able to savor each bite and appreciate the chef’s skill. You even got to have something sweet at the end. And you enjoyed conversing with your dining companion instead of being distracted by your iPhone. So why do we not eat like this all the time? When did we decide that a frozen dinner eaten standing up in front of the microwave, or some ultra-processed, un-natural food served on a paper plate in front of the TV was a good idea? What were we thinking?
As discussed in the book, French people have a concept that the consumption of food is a vital social event where families sit down together for meals, manners are taught and enforced, and food itself is fresh and healthy and prepared in tasty ways. Food is not merely fuel; it is a critical aspect of one’s physical health (as in nutrition) and one’s mental/emotional health (as in faring well in life with the social aspects of dining with family, friends, business colleagues.) Food is never eaten mindlessly when one is bored, unhappy, anxious, or angry. It is not a reward, or a substitute for other emotional needs.
French parents establish that mealtimes are roughly 7:30 a.m. for breakfast, 12:30 for lunch, a small snack time at 4:30 or so, and dinner at approximately 8:00 p.m. Breakfast is usually a small croissant or bread with jam, accompanied by coffee for adults. Lunch is generally a two-hour event with a meal that contains the majority of one’s daily calories. (Many schools send kids home for lunch each day so that the family can all dine together.) Dinner might be a hearty stew with bread and butter. French children understand that there is no snacking between meals. Food is not consumed standing up, while walking down the street, or in one’s car. Proper cutlery is used, not fingers. If you don’t want to eat something that is served, you don’t have to ---- but no substitution will be given. (Mom is not a short-order cook.) And it’s okay to be hungry between meals. You will not starve…and you will enjoy your next meal all the more.
How simple is that? Small portions of high-quality food eaten at regular times while enjoying one’s family or friends. No banned foods, no fake low-cal foods, no calorie-counting, no drama. You get to enjoy what you’re eating, and you’re not required to wrestle with weights and measures. You have no guilt about that yummy piece of chocolate ---- you let it melt on your tongue, and discovered that it was really all you needed. You do not crave half gallons of ice cream or entire packages of Oreos. Quality is way better than quantity.
And I am most definitely preaching to myself. When, in the past, I have adhered to these ideals, I have lost weight and felt healthier. I enjoyed life more. So I have once again embraced my inner French woman and have committed to making my best efforts to follow the French way.
Quelle Rafraichissante (Refreshing)!
I adore elegant table settings and actually own nice china and silverware. How little effort it requires to create a restful setting for a meal. Using nice plates reminds me to pay attention to portion size. I have completely changed my ideas about dessert. No enormous chunks of pie or cheesecake, a small piece of dark chocolate, savored instead of gulped, is sufficient. These small, small reductions are a painless way to deduct a mere 500 calories per day… which will lead to a loss of one pound per week.
It may take some time for me to physically morph into a Frenchwoman but, as they say, a Diet never works --- but a complete change in your lifestyle does. I have begun reinforcing these attributes of my new French identity. When tempted to over -indulge at breakfast yesterday, I gently reminded myself that my coffee and bagel with cream cheese was sufficient. I was sated, but not stuffed. I am French and that’s how we do things.
So, notwithstanding any official government documentation that says I am from Ohio, I endeavor to embrace those French characteristics that I believe will lead me to a happier, healthier me. My family and friends may be amused or horrified at my attempts --- the infamous New Year’s Eve charcuterie board incident (goat and sheep cheese?!) comes to mind---but I remain undeterred. Even if I am all alone in my Frenchness, I am happy and working toward a valuable goal, one pound at a time. Did I mention there are macarons involved? (Pistachio, raspberry, or lavender honey are my current favorites.)
The apostle Paul put it this way when speaking about human desires and God’s grace and freedom:
“ ‘Everything is permissible for me’ --- but not everything is beneficial.
“ ‘Everything is permissible for me’ --- but I will not be mastered by anything.”
1 Corinthians 6:1-2
Just as we are to be good stewards of money and time, I believe we are to be good stewards in other aspects of life. Thus, I seek to use my freedom to eat what I wish, but I refuse to be mastered (controlled) by food. I seek to enjoy myself while keeping God-given pleasures beneficial, not detrimental. As I stated above, I seek to subjugate any inappropriate food lusts so that they will not control me. I will be a good steward.
Three steps to using make-believe as an aide in reaching a goal:
If you are examining ways to improve your life, it can be a bit daunting. I’ve found these three areas of introspection to be helpful:
[1] Sort through all the negative aspects of life that are troubling you. Identify one thing that you can work on, one step at a time. (Trying to fix everything at once is too overwhelming and can lead to failure.) Imagine a life where you can live in a way that is appealing and refreshing. If you can’t actually envision yourself having success with a plan, feel free to simply reinvent yourself. I now identify as French because I can see a way to make Frenchitudinousness work for me. Maybe you need to become a minimalist, an artist, a gourmet, or a Super Hero. Pretend you are a character in a book in which the character lives the life you are aspiring to. Envision how your new life will be when you’re successful. Pretend it’s all possible.
[2] Think about how that one thing is making trouble in your life. For me, it is being overweight. My obesity is causing health issues. I can’t do certain things because I’m too big. I can’t buy clothes that I like; I have to buy what fits. Changing just this one thing will make an impact on so many areas of my life. It may not be food for you. It could be a problem with alcohol or an addiction to TV or Facebook, some Toxic relationships. Think of an aspect of your life that’s just not working. The area that, when fixed, will have the greatest impact on your happiness. Decide on what you can change to bring about your vision.
[3] Once you have identified the area you plan on working on, think of one thing you can do to begin a change. Losing weight for me is going to take a long time. This is not a six-week adventure. But the one thing I can do, the one thing I CAN control is what I put into my mouth. It starts with pretending to be French and talking myself out of doubling my breakfast consumption. For you, it may be turning off your phone or computer after 15 minutes of Facebook or surfing the web. Maybe it’s one recorded TV show instead of a nine-hour season’s worth binge. Perhaps it’s one glass of wine instead of two. Maybe you should drop that activity or acquaintance that’s draining you. Remember, you don’t have to change everything at once --- baby steps may get you there faster than a quick sprint and quick burn out.
Je vous souhaite le plus grand succes!
(I wish you great success!)