How to Hang on to Joy
“You were made to feel the warmth of joy.”
Sounds like a God promise, doesn’t it?
No. Disney.
That’s right, even the “happiest place on earth” says you deserve to feel joy. And if you spend the day there, you’re likely to experience some of that joy Disney promises. But what about all the days when you don’t?
Hanging On
When I first thought about this blog title, I immediately flashed back to the 1970s poster (yes, I’m showing my age) of a young, scared cat hanging on to a pole by its finger-claws for dear life. Caption: “Hang on, baby, Friday’s coming!”
Most of us can find some joy when Friday’s on the way. Wouldn’t it be great if we didn’t have to hang on until Friday to have a good day, to feel some joy? After all, God does promise that joy comes in the morning (Psalm 30:5) even after tears flow in the night. So if our Creator indeed made us to have joy --- and it is available every morning, --- why do so many of our days feel joyless?
I’ve found that we don’t have to wait for Friday; every day can be filled with joy.
So, What Happens?
Even if we begin the day or week or month or year with joy, life happens. Sadness, loss, tragedy, even the occasional bad hair day will conspire to steal our joy. Yes, many of these events are superficial, but some are quite serious, with long-term consequences. Is it realistic to think we could have joy even when life is hard and things go wrong?
As a child of God, it’s not only realistic, it’s truth. Joy is one of the gifts God gives us through his Spirit (Galatians 5:22). Joy is not “situation-al” but “Spirit-ual” i.e. our current situation may not always bring joy, but our spiritual connection with God is the source of abiding joy. When we are connected through the Spirit to our Creator, joy is a by-product, a fruit of that relationship. Amazingly, the one who designed you wants you to be joyful!
But we’re human. We are prone to feelings of “woe is me.” At the first sign of a cloud, we become convinced a hurricane is coming. What is the motto we’ve all heard? “Expect the best … but prepare for the worst.” That’s how it can be with us and joy. The first sign of things going sideways, we throw our expectations of joy out the window.
OK, you say, if God promised me joy, then why is joy so fleeting? Why does it so easily disappear from my life all the time?
It comes from defining it on your own terms. We all tend to do this. We feel joy (or what we might call happiness) when things are going well in our relationships, with our work, when our hair looks good… but the minute a hair’s out of place, that “feeling” goes down the tubes. “Where’s my joy?” we ask. Actually it’s still there, underneath the weight of our circumstances—even the hard ones.
In fact, in James 1:2-4 we find this little piece of wisdom: “Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything” (NIV).
Doesn’t say we need to feel joy in trials. We should consider it joy. Webster’s definition of consider is “to think about carefully,” or “take into account.” We are not asked to feel giddy or happy in the hard times, but to consider the joy of the end result of our trials—perseverance, which brings maturity.
So when we are faced with difficulty, with trials, with sorrow, it’s okay to feel the sadness, the emotions of our difficulty, but we are to hold fast to the joyful knowledge that something better is coming.
I recently lost a dear friend who was the first non-family person to welcome me with open arms when I relocated to a new church and city. She literally embraced me from the get-go and encouraged me to use my gifts to serve in the choir. Dee exuded joy all the time, even when battling for several years the cancer that finally took her life. Do I feel joy that she’s gone? No. I’m sad. Do I feel joy that I had the privilege to know her, to see her smile, to learn from her faithful perseverance, to experience her exuberance for life? Absolutely! Do I feel joy that she’s no longer suffering and is singing with the heavenly choir now? Yes, indeed!
That’s the joy we consider, the joy that holds us up in the middle of the sorrow and pain.
Perhaps joy is a bit like love. When someone or something we love disappoints us or hurts us in some way, our love remains steadfast. It might be my love for Georgia Bulldog football that continues even in a losing season. Or it might be that love for a family member that remains … even if something they said or did hurt me. These are examples of how situations may bring about unhappy feelings, but the deeper emotion of love remains constant. Unconditional love is not extinguished when negative things happen ---we need to remember that joy likewise need not be extinguished if life brings you some hard, unhappy moments.
Still, as humans, we need human ways of dealing with lost joy. We need a few tangible ways to hold on to the joy that comes with each new day. So here are a few practical ways to keep feeling joy when things go wrong.
Admit that something went wrong! How many times do we pretend we’re fine when things aren’t? Some things that go wrong are truly insignificant; some are not. So admit that life isn’t so smooth today, this month, this year. Admit that you let the little things get to you when they didn’t have to. Or admit that something bigger has happened and you will need to deal with it or walk through it.
Accept that whatever has gone wrong can be made right, or if not, accept that your situation has changed and find ways to move forward.
Ask for help when you need it to make things right again, or to get through whatever circumstances robbed you of your joy. Ask people to stand beside you, to encourage and support you. Ask for forgiveness if what went wrong began with you. Ask God to remind you of His promise of joy and, as the psalmist said, “Restore the joy of Your salvation to me, and give me a willing spirit” (Psalm 51:2, HCSB). Perhaps that willing spirit involves the willingness to hold on to joy despite what you’re feeling.
Anticipate better times ahead. How far ahead, who knows? But the promise is that when we face our trials with a joyful attitude we will learn to persevere, we will grow, we will become a more complete and mature human being and child of God.
Abide in the source of joy. The further you are from the One who gives you joy, the less joy you’ll experience. Stay close and spend time with people and activities you enjoy, but also with the Creator of all joy.
So in reality, Disney’s not right. We weren’t made to feel joy. We were made to own it, experience it, and live in it --- even when things go wrong.
Questions to ask yourself:
Have I been too eager to forget my joy when times become difficult?
How can I better remember that feelings of happiness or unhappiness are tied to {mostly temporary) situations, and yet my joy can abide permanently?