4 Steps to Disarming the Joy Bandit
I am normally a happy person. I can be going about my day happy as a lark when all of the sudden I encounter a joy bandit. Joy bandits are people who, perhaps not intentionally, try to steal our joy. They could be a rude person, a grumpy person, or someone who simply cannot find one good thing to say. If you were to picture me throughout my day, I have a giant yellow sunshine over my head, but these people have a rain cloud … and within a minute they can cast a shadow over our sun.
If you are naturally joyful, or if you are working hard to make joy-filled living your new normal, know that joy bandits will be a part of your day. The Bible puts it this way, “In this world you will have trouble” (John 16:33). But the next part of that verse holds the promise, “But take heart! I have overcome the world.” Some people just can’t stand someone who is happy and joyful. They see us as unrealistic, Pollyannaish, and just needing a dose of reality to bring us back down where they are. Others are unhappy with their lives and want you to wallow in the pit with them. Then there are the walking wounded.
Which reminds me—I was speaking the other day with a lady who ran the office of a Christian ministry. I was marveling at how well she had just handled a very difficult person. She smiled and let me in on this little secret. She told me they recently came up with a saying in her office that has helped her have an eternal perspective on people like that. The difficult folks are called “MGR's” – More Grace Required. How many of us know some MGR's? How many of us ARE one?
Grace is defined as a suspension of due punishment or penalty. That MGR’s behavior was rotten, her attitude needed adjustment, and if she were my mother’s child, she’d have been sent to her room to await the dreaded “talking to.” When we encounter an MGR, that’s when grace is called for—grace looks beyond all of that to the pain the person must feel, and the cause of the anger or resentment. We don’t always know what is going on behind the mask people wear, but we can imagine. It is true that hurting people hurt people. So when we run into one of these joy bandits, we can smile and whisper to ourselves More Grace Required.
Here are the steps I take every day to guard against the inevitable run-in with a joy bandit:
Expect them. If you expect them then you won’t be surprised.
Plan your reaction. Use the MGR Method or learn to deflect and move on. You don’t have to continue a conversation that is a downer. Say something positive and then move on.
Don’t get dragged into the pits. When someone is negative or gossiping, they want you to join them. Decide you will simply ‘not go there.’ Sometimes all I can say to someone who is trying to get me to wallow with them is “I hear you.” I nod my head in agreement but inside I’m telling myself not to go there.
Finally, hold tight to the promise in the verse–God has overcome the world. In fact, the sentence just before that verse offers the how-to, “The Father is with me. I’ve told you all this so that trusting me, you will be unshakable and assured, deeply at peace.” When the bandit shows up, your weapon is the peace that comes from God, making you unshakable and assured. Shine on!
What is your plan for disarming the joy bandit?
What does it mean for you to know that expecting the bandits is the first step in dealing with them?
How has the promise that God has overcome the world armed you for encounters with joy bandits?