When I Can’t Look Inside

As a cancer patient I’m tempted to be very selfish. Who am I kidding? I have to be selfish. It’s a struggle to look outward and touch others in a positive way. But I realized, lately, that a large source of joy for me truly is other-centric. 

It’s not just a cancer thing. It’s also a mom thing. A human thing. I have three grown children (all in their 20’s, so barely grown). Mothers love to say that their children are their pride and JOY. I look at my children and do take pride in who they’re becoming. And they spark joy in me. 

But I turn and look around, dredging the edges of my world, and find that joy is also found in the friends my kids have made. People who have influenced them and been influenced by them. These people who have come into my life by no real influence of my own, have made me a better mother and person. I’m grateful for my children’s friends.

I swivel a different direction and find friends I’ve made in the pet industry over the years. These beautiful people are encouragers. They’re fighters, fighting for lives and rights of animals and people. Their tenacity, especially when reaching out to me when I’m in treatment, is a joy bringer. What a blessing to have so many friends!

Looking back inside, focusing on treatment, I find doctors and nurses who have more compassion than you can imagine. On my worst days their smiles and quips keep me motivated to fight this battle. Not gonna lie. It’s the biggest battle I’ve ever fought. 

Several years ago we battled addiction with a family member. The pain, the tears, the abject sorrow - these things couldn’t be tempered by my friends. It wasn’t all my story to tell, so I was quiet. I now regret that, looking backwards. But I certainly wouldn’t want to go through it again to prove a point. Just grateful to be on the other side. And grateful to be vocal about my current pain.

What battle are you fighting right now? Don’t even give me that tired line about my battle being bigger than yours, that you can’t complain because you’re not facing a life threatening illness. Please. We each face the challenge we’re dealt. It’s huge when we’re looking at it. Don’t compare. Just face your challenge and acknowledge that it’s what you have at this time. Good heavens - that’s all I have the strength for right now. I’m guessing that’s all that you have strength for is your own battle. 

But let’s return to selfishness and joy. It’s tough to be selfish and joy-filled at the same time. It just doesn’t feel right. Even when facing one of life’s biggest hurdles. The challenge is to break through the selfishness. Seriously. Focus on others. 

Sometimes focusing on others is rejoicing with them, celebrating their victories when you don’t have your own to celebrate. Sometimes it’s reaching deep inside to help someone else, giving them the little bit of strength you have left and watching that strength grow as a result. Sometimes focusing on others is simply a distraction from your own pain and sorrow. I think that’s okay. As long as its not a destructive focus. Look for the things in others which bring you joy. 

And, you know I’m going to ask, where is Jesus in this? Scripture, in the New Testament, repeatedly uses the phrase “one another”.

Be devoted to one another in brotherly love; give preference to one another in honor;
Romans 12:10

Therefore encourage one another and build up one another …
1 Thessalonians 5:11

Be hospitable to one another without complaint. 
1 Peter 4:9

There are more. You can look them up if you’d like. But if we’re encouraging each other, being devoted to each other, giving preference and being hospitable, how can we help but feel joy? It’s almost like faking it till you make it, but it’s very real. And the joy is real. 

Do you have others to lean into? To share your battle with? People who will encourage you and build you up? I encourage you to reach out to people you can trust. And to comment here. We’ll have a conversation. We’ll share joy. 

Until I write again …

Flea