10 Ways to Allow Yourself to be Blessed
Okay. I confess. I hereby openly admit to (gasp!) re-gifting something: a black cotton jacket with beautiful designs embroidered in bright colors. I had initially given it to my mom - who immediately deemed it as “very fancy” and destined it (potentially, in theory, maybe, some day, perhaps) to be used on some future, unspecified Special Occasion. Sadly, that special occasion never came around in her mind. She never wore the jacket, considering it to be too precious to actually be used. This was a cotton jacket, my friends, not a mink stole. I was not all that surprised, but it pained me to see that my mom, reared in a desperately poor Great Depression household, could never use or enjoy something that she felt was above her perceived level in life or which could be harmed by actually using it.
After mom passed away, I simply could not let this jacket be forgotten. The jacket was not my size, but I yearned for its specialness to be enjoyed since I thought it beautiful. So I sent the jacket to a good friend who has a sartorial flair. I just knew she would love it like I did. She received it joyfully and sent me a photo of herself wearing it. I was so relieved and happy it would be enjoyed, and I very much enjoyed blessing a dear friend.
Yet in relaying this story, I am still pained that my mom always “stayed in her lane” and never felt special enough (despite my and my father’s numerous attempts) to enjoy new experiences or anything luxurious. No Ritz Carlton for her, Holiday Inn was just fine, thank you very much. Like the groom’s parents in My Big Fat Greek Wedding, my mom was like plain toast with no honey or jam (too fancy), just unpretentious and nourishing.
Why could she never break free or grow out of that limiting mentality?
The answer came to me when I was watching an interview with entertainment mogul Tyler Perry. He was sharing with the host about how he’d come from extremely humble circumstances and endured a very abusive father. When the interviewer asked about why Perry’s mother had not left her violent husband, Perry answered she simply never felt she was worth anything better.
And don’t we feel the same way most of the time? Very few of us are consistently exposed to kind words or expressions of encouragement and appreciation. We do not get the impression that we are special in any way or that we deserve to enjoy life. Rather, our world excels in beating us down with its pessimism, divisiveness, and it's irrelevant focus on the antics and lifestyles of the rich and famous as shown in curated (fake) vignettes which cause us to compare and despair of our own more modest lives. No wonder we shrivel up inside and feel like we are not deserving of anything special or beautiful.
As I was considering the New Year of 2022 and deciding if it was helpful to actually memorialize any formal resolutions, the idea came to me that my 2022 resolutions needed to be dramatically different. Of course I would maintain my standard goals: spending more time in Bible study and prayer, eating healthier and exercising more so as to lose weight, and (once again) tackling the clutter in my home. But I became certain that the real resolutions I needed to make should be designed to address some basic (erroneous) assumptions roaming around in my head and redirect my thought patterns. Hence, this year’s motto: I’m worth it and I’m going to live like it. Which sounds deliciously inspiring, …but I found right off that initializing and maintaining that mentality was going to take some conscious effort.
As I started off my new year with a fresh burst of de-cluttering spirit, I noticed that I had amassed quite a lovely collection of handmade soaps, perfume samples, and scented candles as well as a number of gift cards from some of my favorite stores. I was surprised at the number of these unused gifts and feared that some of the items might by now have lost whatever special fragrance they may have once had. Quelle Horreur! Had I wasted them by not using them??? Worse, I remembered in the past using my own gift cards to purchase gifts for someone else, rather than accepting a blessing for myself. How had this happened?
Dismaying Realization turns into Delightful Revelation:
Just like my mom, I perceived that those things were “special” … and I wasn’t worth it. Wow. I had fallen into the same trap. The same limiting mindset. But why? Why had I allowed myself to put myself down? Why would I disrespect a gift given in love by not using it? Why reject a blessing intended to bring joy to me?
Cue my new motto: I AM worth it, and I’m going to live like it. I am special enough. I can wear expensive perfume every day even if I have no appointments and will be sitting all alone in my office. I enjoy it …and that’s a good enough reason. I can burn that scented candle while I am typing and enjoy the coziness and peacefulness of a perfumed environment.
I resolved to make my life more beautiful in every single small way I can.
Getting an early start, I put my resolve in action two days after Christmas by using my day off work to visit my local Barnes and Noble, my collection of gift cards clutched in my hot little hand. I found a storewide sale of 50% off all hardcover books. Even better yet ---in a display right in front of my nose ---I saw the latest release from my all- time favorite author. I snatched up the heavy tome and discovered that it was an autographed copy!!! Sitting right there in a store full of people and just waiting for me to come along. It was the only signed book in the display and I got it. Me. I have read every novel this man has ever written (some multiple times) and now I own a signed copy of one of his books. What a gift my gift card turned out to be. I believe this was a blessing intended just for me. Validation that I’m worth it.
Ephesians 3:20 describes God as “able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine.” This passage is reminding us of the power of God and its availability to believers as He works through us, but I add it here to show us that sometimes our limited human minds simply don’t grasp that there’s more out there for us. At Barnes and Noble I was happy just saving 50% off the book, but “more than I could imagine” was available to me as a blessing.
Resolved:
I no longer want to leave any blessings unclaimed. I no longer wish to disrespect the giver or the gift by not using what someone has bestowed upon me. I choose to enjoy life and any good things that come my way.
I made a list of things I could do. Some of these may involve a slight extra expense. If that is a concern, consider ways to finesse things within your budget. (For example: If I brew my Starbucks coffee at home instead of visiting the drive -thru each morning, I can afford a monthly pedicure.) Think about what makes you feel good and devise a way to make it happen. Just a little boost to each day is refreshing to the spirit. And remember, you are blessed to be a blessing to someone else --- so if it is within your power to do a kindness for someone else, do it. (Proverbs 3:27) Let’s be about refreshing other people’s spirits, too. Since we usually don’t get enough encouragement in our lives, be resolved to encourage others so as to remind them that they are valuable. (Proverbs 27:9b reminds us that our heart becomes glad through the sweetness of a friend’s counsel coming from the heart.)
Here are ten items on my Making Life More Beautiful List.
What are some of yours?
Wear that perfume, burn that scented candle, and use that fragrant soap. It’s Biblical! “Oil and perfume make the heart glad.” Proverbs 27:9(a)
Take the scenic route, even if it requires driving ten minutes more.
Enjoy a pedicure. And get the sparkly purple polish, even though your kid declares it’s not “age appropriate.”
Wear that “good jewelry” you have. Why leave it sitting in the darkness of your jewelry box? Let its beauty bring you joy.
Melt high quality dark chocolate in real milk instead of using water and the powdered packet of hot chocolate.
Write real letters and thank you notes to your friends. Use decorated stationery, and a fountain pen to make your cursive handwriting look special.
Remember to listen to music you love. Write in your journal. Sit outside at night and look at the stars and listen to the crickets. Create some soft, peaceful moments.
Use your wedding china, “good” silverware, and table linens. Sit at the dining table instead of using a T.V. tray. Make the meal an event, not just a fuel intake opportunity. Banish cell phones and TALK to your family. Use the time to encourage one another.
Go out to a live theater performance or concert. The memory will be more vivid than merely seeing it on your iPad or hearing it in your ear buds.
Most important: allow yourself the freedom to say “no” to anything and anyone. As author Gretchen Rubin tells us, many of us acquiesce to activities and people that we feel we should like, but we really don’t. We feel compelled to fit in or go along just because it seems like everyone else enjoys that thing or that person and there must be something wrong with us if we don’t. But we need to be confident enough to know ourselves and understand that we need not participate in things just because other people enjoy them. So be you. Say no to things that drain you instead of uplift you. You’re worth it.