Notfulness: Just say "No!"
My husband and I are friends with a well-known speaker and author, Simon Bailey, who travels the world giving motivational talks to members of large corporations and other organizations. Simon says (I just love saying that) “It’s not who you are that holds you back, it’s who you think you’re not that holds you back.” How profound is that? When I first read those words in Simon’s blog I was immediately convicted of all the ways I hold myself back by thinking that I’m NOT.
Self-esteem is a fragile thing. There are points in my life where I’ve been confident, but also (maybe more) points when I’ve been certain I was deficient in many, many ways. In my ruminating on LIFE, it occurs to me that NOTfulness is a dangerous thing. Notfulness is probably the antithesis of Joyfulness. When we feel Notful, we can’t really feel Joyful.
Oh, I can think of lots of ways I’m NOT. I’m not graceful, not extroverted, not good at math, not artistic, etc. One day when I was experiencing a surfeit of Notfulness, I actually sat down to compose a list of things that I liked about myself or was good at --- just to make sure that I actually possessed some redeeming qualities. So how, I wonder, does one go about truly accepting oneself? How do you carry on when everyone else seems to put you down? How do you endure those days where you wonder how you’ve ever gotten through life so far with all your deficiencies? Some days Notfulness descends us like a swarm of locusts, blotting out the sun and decimating our garden of joy.
One September my daughter and I were in Chattanooga, evacuees from yet another Florida hurricane. We were in the gift shop of the zoo when something strange caught my attention. It actually took me a minute to decipher what I was seeing. One of the other patrons was a young, albino black man sporting lengthy Smurf-blue dreadlocks. This man exuded a chill, confident vibe. He was completely at ease with his strikingly unusual looks. Unashamed.
The image of that man stayed with me. I thought about what kind of courage would be required to not only manage, but actually exploit, such a unique condition. No hiding his light under a bushel, no --- this man rocked his look. Knowing our society, I felt certain that at some point in life he must have been an object of discrimination or shaming over his skin condition. Yet there he was, certainly not hiding … apparently flourishing. He was an inspiration to me. How joyful could we all be if we could truly accept ourselves?
At this stage of my life, in the third quarter of the game, I can get entirely deflated when contemplating the proliferation of the hairs on my chin, the crêpey look of the skin on the backs of my hands, or the fact that I am apparently incapable of operating any electronic devices without repeated instructions and demonstrations by my daughter. (God, I repent yet again for getting so frustrated with my parents when they could not figure out how to program the VCR after I’d shown them 5 times.)
So how do I exhibit panache when I may feel pitiable? How do I exchange Notfulness for Joyfulness? I think I need to channel my youthful exuberance. To remember the concept of self that I had before life beat me up and told me all the things I was NOT. To recall that attitude that I could operate in my own “coolness,” and was not obliged to care about others’ perception of my mode, my mood, or my mission. Where is that girl who rocked a Rod Steward hairdo … and later died it into pink and purple stripes, the one who took herself off to France at age 19, the one who wore her dad’s old button-fly olive drab Army pants (they had lots of useful pockets) and a purple Hawaiian shirt to take the Bar exam? I was so much happier then. Being different. Being unique. Being myself.
So I say “No!” to Notfulness. Living under a cloud of all the things I’m not is insulting to all the wonderful things I am. I will embrace the joy of knowing who I am and being the person God created me to be. I will be Joyful!
Do you remember a time when you reveled in your uniqueness? What are ways you can say “no” to Notfulness?